Family Crisis

I can still remember the day, the feelings, the fear.  It was a beautiful summer day.  Growing up on a farm was so enjoyable when we'd finished the chores for the day.  I was young, about 9 years old when it happened.  My older brothers 12 and 14 had both purchased bull calves and been raising them to sell at the county fair.  Part of the experience was training the animals so that they could lead them around the arena for the perspective buyers to see.  Those who have even limited experience with cattle know that training one to follow you around is a difficult feat.  This evening without adult supervision the three of us were playing in the bulls pen.  One of my brothers lost control of his animal and after a few moments that seemed like hours we carried him crying into our small farm house.  Through tears, prayers and medical bills this experience brought my family together in a way we had never experienced before.

Much like Intimacy discussed in the previous post crisis in the family can be a bonding and unifying experience that strengthens relationships or it can be the wedge that drives families apart.  Understanding what a family crisis is and how to successfully navigate them can change your family forever.

First, a note on perception: When asked 'why bad things happened to good people' a classmate responded with "I think 'bad things' are just a perception.  Difficult things help individuals and families to learn and grow, they can strengthen relationships and help us to develop more pure love."
What is the difference between difficult things and bad thing?  You decide.

Ruben Hill a researcher in the field gives this breakdown of family crisis situations and outcomes:

A: actual event

+

B: both resources & response

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C: cognitions – the perspective of the crisis

=

X: total experience

In some languages crisis literally means danger + opportunity.

There is more to trouble than meets the eye.

Where the individuals in a relationship turn for reassurance and support and how they react to hardships will determine whether the relationships are strengthened or strained.

As we can see from the diagram above, two of the three deciding factors in the result are 'resources and response' and 'the perception of crisis'.   

How can we use this understanding to help make our next crisis a strengthening and bonding experience?