The first is the principle of coping.
The dictionary.com definition of coping is as follows: To face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or
difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner.
But there is more to coping than just 'facing' or 'dealing with' responsibilities.
Lets take a look at this example of pool coping pictured on the right to learn more about what it really it.
What do you know or notice about the coping on this pool? You may notice how it helps transition from the textured rock to the pool's edge or how it curves up slightly to keep water in the pool and other things out. This curve also makes a great handhold for tired or inexperienced swimmers. Coping is designed to withstand large amounts of pressure so that individuals can stand on the edge of the pool without it crumbling beneath them. How does this apply to making it through tough situations? Is there more to coping than just facing the problem?
Coping helps us make transitions smoothly. A pool without coping would be painful to get in and out of, it also would be less aesthetically pleasing. Proper or well used coping in relationships can help us transition in and out of hardships without rearranging our lives or feeling the need to share our problems with the world on social media.
Keeps water in and the junk out. Often when in the middle or a hardship we can find ourselves inviting people into our troubles simply by not using proper boundaries, or when we are in an argument we might pull out irrelevant misdeeds from the past. Coping helps to limit or stop these things from happening. Both of which can be fatal to a relationship if not dealt with properly.
It is a break for tired or inexperienced swimmers. Coping can give us the rest we need when facing turbulent waters. If used correctly it can provide at least temporary release from the rigors of hardship.
Coping withstands large amounts of pressure. This one is self explanatory. Often individuals crumble under pressure, proper use of coping during family crisis can help individuals and families from crumbling.
The next principle that can help in hardship is communication.
Clear and kind communication in a relationship is vital. Not enough can be said on this topic. In the spirit of clear and concise communication here are the numbers:
Words – 14%
Tone – 35%
Non Verbal – 51%
Words contribute only 14% of the message that we send when communicating.
Make sure your messages match, and be aware of the flaws in certain forms of communication that exclude up to 86% of what you are communicating. Clear and kind communication is key.
The last principle for this post in conflict.
We're going to briefly cover the basics to successful conflict and then look at the reasons for resolution so that you can better understand or recognize why individuals comply.
The first tool in effectively resolving conflict is to gain more information. At the heart of almost every conflict you will find a misunderstanding. Seek more unbiased information before launching into total war.
Try to see both sides. This will help you in the same way as the first tool. You may be quicker to recognize the miscommunication and avoid a hurtful conflict.
Be teachable, even if you are wrong I promise there will always be something you can learn, always.
Control you emotions, if left unchecked in conflict someone is bound to get hurt.
Reasons for compliance:
Coercive – avoid punishment (there are tons of types of
punishments)
Reward – gain reward
Legitimate – the right to ask you to comply
Expert – they have more expertise, maybe special knowledge
Referent – identification or admiration of and the desire to
please
Informational – persuasion by spouse who has
your best interest in mind
Why do you comply? Being aware of this can help individuals and families eliminate problems before they appear.
Hopefully a better understanding of Coping, Communication and Conflict Resolution will help your relationships grow stronger through adversity.
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