Courtship and Cohabitation

Marriage is more than just a commitment.  Many people understand this! They can see the magnitude of the covenant.  To be prepared for marriage a few things need to take place.

Dating.  This word has different connotations to clarify I'll be using it to mean going on many dates with many different people over a period of time.  

Studies have shown that the more time you spend with someone the better the chances are that you will get to know them!  Amazing concept right?  

It has also become clear that salt in cookies help us to taste the sweet.  In the search for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect it is effective to get to know many individuals at the same time.  

A date is when an individual Plans an activity or activities, Pays for the activity if that is required, and spends time Paired off with another individual of the opposite gender.  

This provides as opportunity for the two individuals to get to know one another and to establish a friendship and relationship patterns.  Some of the reasons that it is encouraged for young people to go on many dates and to date many individual are: to see the person you are interested in in different circumstances, to learn and experience good communication, to see and compare different personalities and judge comparability, to avoid getting intimate too fast and inviting confusing feelings into a friendship before it has fully formed, and to be frank this provides an opportunity to see different options.

This principle of dating stands in opposition to hooking up and to the 'Date them till you hate them' practice, which is simply to start an intimate relationship before you know someone well enough to know if you are compatible and then to court until it doesn't work anymore.  Hooking up is where two individuals who are physically attracted to each other mock a serious relationship by sharing intimacy before they really know each other.

If the principle of dating is practiced there will come a time when you have been able to establish an enjoyable relationship with another person.  You will know each other well and have been able to see each other in different situations and feel that you could build a working relationship with this individual.  You will be confident in your choice by this point because you will have taken other individuals on dates as well and the comparison will have helped to make clear what you want. 

Then comes courtship.  Two individuals add into their already solid relationship the physical dimension.  They feel that it is time to court or put their relationship on trial.  In this time dating will continue.  Patterns already established will remain as the foundation for this growing relationship.  Over time the conversations that started during dating will go deeper and the couple will discuss the prospect of engagement and marriage. Parenting, morals, traditions, habits, and hobbies will be discussed along with every other topics mutually important to the couple.

Then after engagement the couple can be prepared for marriage.

Cohabitation may begin in the same way, but at some point things change.  The couple decides to join lives on some levels but not others.  These levels will differ with each relationship.  Patterns are formed as these couples share some aspects of their lives but keep other aspects separate.  Contrary to the belief of some this is not great preparation for marriage.  

Patterns established during dating and courtship point to and prepare for marriage.  Patterns established during cohabitation may be similar to marriage but they do not lead to it and often they can be hard to break if the couple decides to be married.  The patterns established while living together but separate lives die hard and can cause unneeded confusion and conflict in a relationship.

The patterns established in dating, courtship and engagement point the cannon that fires at marriage, or they show the direction that the relationship will go.

Dating is essentially an opportunity to start and see the pattern that will exist after marriage.

Planned – Preside

Take responsibility, being aware of needs and able to change plans based on needs

Paid for – Provide

Be able to provide for the date, showing that you will be the provider

Paired off – Protect

Responsibility for the spiritual, emotional, and physical protection of their date

Dating: Get to know each other, see each other in many different situations, not fully intimate relationship. 

DTR

Courtship: there is no reason to date exclusively until you feel that you would like to prepare to marry the individual.  court-trial-test

Engagement: engaged or focused on each other exclusively, preparing for marriage

Marriage: fully committed forever